How was your Monday? It was a long one over here. By the time I got home and squeezed in a 40 minute barre routine I was spent! Not to mention, that cold I thought I napped away over the weekend has decided to stick around. Sheeseh…
The good news? ONLY 23 DAYS UNTIL SUMMER! Whoo hoo! I know, I know, most of you don’t get a summer break, and I do feel a bit guilty about it sometimes. But the other day my mom made the point that she’s learned, since having 2 daughters in education, that summer is really for the teachers. Amen to that!
Moving on to a bit of a more serious topic…..
It’s no secret that I’m on the “weight gain train.” I have a past of disordered eating and still make bi-weekly visits to my therapist and nutritionist. It’s not something I’m ashamed of or try to hide (anymore). It is what it is, right? We all have our struggles and hardships…this one is mine.
I’ve come leaps and bounds from where I was. However, I’m not completely recovered. Of course I have good days and bad ones, and I’m happy to say that lately the good outweigh the bad. I (usually) have a more positive self image and the restrictive voice doesn’t creep in nearly as often.
What is hard, though? Gaining weight. Wanting to gain weight.
It’s counterintuitive to what our culture preaches. Turn on the TV, flip through a magazine, listen to the radio, or browse online and it will only be a matter of seconds until you come across a weight loss advertisement, quick tips for slimming down, a plan for a perfect bikini body, and so on.
And yes, for many people to be healthy, they may need to lose a few “lbs.” But for my health I need to gain a few. I don’t get my period (without medical help), and that in and of itself is enough to indicate my body isn’t at it’s healthiest weight.
I desperately want to get pregnant, carry my own children, and raise a family full of little ones. But it is a certainty that that dream will not happen if I do not gain weight.
It sounds easy, right? Eat more dessert, more fats, higher calorie meals. But that is where the battle, the fight, comes in. I don’t necessarily want to eat calorically dense foods. I don’t really want to live in a heavier body.
It’s a crazy game this mind of mine plays. The fact that I can desperately want a pregnancy, but at the same time (sometimes) not want to gain weight seems crazy! It’s like a sweaty, hard fought, bloody, teary sports game. One that must be fought tooth and nail to win. But one that is beyond worth winning.
Like I said, I have many more good days these days than bad ones. I have many more days where team gain weight wins the mind game and I eat those extra calories.
So what is my “game plan” for winning this mind game? Remind myself that health is what it’s all about. Think about the children I want to have, the vibrant, active life I want to live, and the woman I want to be for my husband. Focus on who God created me to be and restoring the body He created, just as He wanted it to be.
Woah, throw back pictures! We were such babies for our engagement shoot!
No questions today, but I’d love to hear your thoughts on the topic. Thank you for letting me open up and be vulnerable. I appreciate your understanding and support.